Tag Archives: Retro

Doris and Her Festive Period

Don’t worry, this is not going to be a post regarding the menstrual cycle of a red wine addict at Christmas time. In fact, it isn’t about the menstrual cycle of anyone and if you thought it was, you have either misread or are following my menstrual cycle far too closely for anyone to feel at all comfortable with. Back off. No, this blog is about what happened during my absence at Christmas time! I didn’t blog at all during the festive period, I very rarely tweeted either, so I feel the need to catch up with some of my internet friends and, quite frankly, brag at how amazing my Christmas has been and how very lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do.

Not many people knew that my birthday was on Christmas Eve too, so the excitement around December is somewhat doubled and I am, generally, quite unbearable and this year was no different. It was my first Christmas in my new home, it was my first Christmas that I was actually looking forward to for many years and it was my first Christmas with my beloved, Brain. Before the festive period had even begun, I had a lot to be happy and grateful about, so I went into Christmas with the biggest smile on my face.

I woke up on my birthday at 6.30, upon realising Brain was no longer in bed and was pottering about the house. Being inherently nosey, I instantly wondered what he was doing, before realising he wanted to put my banners and balloons up that his mam bought for him (because he freaked out at the idea of having to do it, which, honestly, I am foaming about because when he turned 29, me and my manager arranged banners and massive helium filled balloons reading ‘45’ and also One Direction ones, so I thought it only polite to reciprocate that excellent effort), I also woke up realising that I’d moved them and he wouldn’t be able to find them, so when he came back to bed in a huff, I had to fully acknowledge my awake state and let him know where they were. I also decided that I would open presents at this time too. It was my birthday, I made up the rules.

Brain has bought me a lot of presents over the past few months we’ve been together and generally he’s a very good present buyer, but he totally out did himself with my birthday gifts. I received Nora Ephron’s book, I Feel Bad About My Neck, which I happened to tell him about when we were watching When Harry met Sally back in the summer and he remembered, which I found astounding and super thoughtful. He also bought me a mini Dwight (US Office) bobble head, which I can’t help but laugh hysterically at every time it moves – I have wanted one of these for an absolute eternity and it is one of my favourite things of all time. His main present was something absolutely astounding and it genuinely took my breath away and brought an abundance of tears to my eyes, so much so that it is getting a paragraph of its own:

It was a large square that I thought was either a calendar (which I’d have been a bit dejected by if I’m honest) or a vinyl. I thought it might have been a Rolling Stones vinyl, seen as neither of us own one and they’re my favourite band, but when I read the card, I realised it wasn’t that at all. It read “Sunday 1st June” and my heart stopped in my chest. It was the day after our first date and he came to mine so I could cook him some food and we could hang out / listen to music and it turned out to be potentially the best day of our relationship; it was very, very weird and absolutely amazing. We listened to a lot of Explosions in the Sky, so I assumed it was one of their albums on vinyl, which I was SO excited about. But when I opened it, I realised it wasn’t that at all and again, my heart stopped in my chest. What it was, was actually a custom made vinyl with all of the songs he thought best described our relationship from that day until now. I can’t quite remember the tracklisting but it featured so many songs that mean so much to us both and each of us have actual instances when we can remember first listening to songs together. The first track is Semisonic’s Secret Smile which is undeniably our song and naturally, as is our way, it features a few Bob Dylan tracks too. It is by far the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received and listening to it brings me nothing but joy. It also featured a photograph one of my best friends took of him at a wedding they were both at, so it was even more special: My favourite photograph, taken of my favourite person, by one of my best friends. Very cool and very thoughtful.

I received some other amazing gifts and drank wine, spent time with friends and family and curled up in Brain’s nook and felt pretty damned lucky to have such a mint lad in my life!

The next day was obviously Christmas day and we had to get up even earlier, because we were both spending the day a part, with our families and I wouldn’t see him until the night time, so we got up and opened our gifts together. I never wrote here what I was buying Brain for Christmas because he reads the blog and I didn’t want to ban him from reading it, purely for the sake of essentially screaming LOOK LOOK LOOK. But I got him a lot of Marvel & Dragon Ball Z related stuff, which he really loved, I think, so I’m pleased! He went out of his way to spoil me rotten again and knock me off my feet again and overwhelm me again and make me cry again… It’s like he has magic powers.

The first thing I opened was something that I have been longing for since I was about fourteen; a DSLR camera. Naturally, I know absolutely nothing about it other than it is amazing, but I am happily learning how to take photographs and become better than someone who just snaps shit on her phone and posts it on Instagram. I find it pretty impersonal and that kind of stuff you can’t put in photo albums and create proper memories with, so naturally, I am overjoyed with his gift. Since Christmas, I’ve been practicing snapping photos every day and I’m starting to get the hang of it and have taken some really awesome photos, so watch this space as I might share some in the future. I thought this would be my main present, but it really wasn’t…

I also received a baby Groot who was hand made by someone on Etsy, I do believe and he is so cute, I love him so much that I put him next to my bed so when I wake up I can say shit like ‘I AM GROOT’ and not be strange. I also received an amazing Game of Thrones necklace, which basically means I am Mother of Dragons as it is the Targaryean house banner. I wore it a few times over Christmas because I love it, but the other day when I was taking my scarf off, it got caught and broke so I am irate and need a new chain.

The last present I opened, I thought it was a joke, because all Christmas he had been harping on about getting me some kind of stupid graphics card for HIS PC, so when I opened it and saw a motherboard, I think it was, for a laptop, I was a bit stony faced and like ‘what the fuck is this, bro?’ so poor Brain had to practically shout ‘IT’S A JOKE!’ and tell me to open it. So I did and inside were envelopes:

1. Train tickets departing from Newcastle and arriving in London’s Kings Cross.
2. A Menu for Maze, one of Gordon Ramsay’s restaurants.
3. A hotel booking at the Raddison Blu
4. Boarding passes for the London Eye
5. Two tickets to see Les Miserables

Needless to say, my breath was gone and tears were flowing from my eyes. Secretly, I was FOAMING that he had out done himself again, meaning that he wins Christmas and birthday, but mostly I was absolutely blown away by yet another amazingly thoughtful, sweet and generous thing he had done for me. He really is my favourite human.

So, in eleven days, I will be spending the weekend with the love of my life in London and I can’t wait. I had to share with you all because it really is an amazing thing that he’s done and I am so, so happy to have such an amazing man in my life.

Normal posting resumes tomorrow, including a breakdown of the general theme of my blog over the coming months. Stay tuned, folks! xxx

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Christmas Gifts:

Because a spider was found on my floor and I’ve now lost it, I am stuck on my bed watching Loose Women and one of their first segments was this year’s biggest Christmas toy, something every parent should be running out to buy for their daughters or granddaughters because it’s a doll called My Friend Kayla and is entirely interactive, because she’s the first doll that connects to the internet. I mean, she didn’t really work or answer any questions, but it got me thinking about my favourite toys I received for Christmas when I was small. So here it is: a definitive list of the best Christmas present Doris ever received.

Speak and spell:

I used to love my Speak and Spell. You’d turn it on and the man in the machine would say: “Right, choose an activity!” and you could choose various options. I used to like doing the spelling tests, where he’d say something in a robotic, very hard to hear voice and I’d spell it out obnoxiously and shout ‘LISTEN TO HOW SMART I AM!’ to everyone in ear shot because I was convinced that I was a child prodigy. I also really liked the option that let me spell freely and type words into the machine and the voice would spell it out. My favourite words to spell were ‘shit’ ‘bloody’ and ‘fuck’ which I knew how to spell from a young age. I’d type them in and then use my tiny body’s weight to press down on the speaker so that only I could hear him spell: ‘s-h-i-t’ and I thought I was so hilarious and edgy.


I never owned Dreamphone myself, but my cousin did and every time we got together, my cousin, my sister and I would gather round and play Dreamphone together. It was so funny, thinking back, where we’d play games and we’d call our crushes up and they’d talk sweet nothings to us down the phone. We’d scream and swoon at the dulcet tones of the surfer dude that we all longed to have and then after we stopped playing and wandered downstairs for snacks and attention, I would sneak away and call my favourite dream hunk up and listen to him chat to me and I would respond with sweet nothings, like I was some kind of attention starved youth, when really I was insanely adored. It was pathetic and probably embarrassing to admit, but whatever, I still long for my Dreamphone Dream Hunk.

Baywatch Barbie


One Christmas, I received a Baywatch Barbie set which is exactly as you see in the image. I got all of that, minus the Ken doll and Rescue Cruiser, because I got a jeep instead.

baywatch jeep

Look at how awesome that jeep is, man!

Anyway, I loved this Christmas present, my parents had set the whole thing up and left it unwrapped on Christmas morning and part of me was totally buzzing, but another part of me was like eh, Santa, please don’t cheap out on me… I was SO GOOD this year! Either way, the present was so good that my sister was totally put out about the fact that she only received a Barbie dream house. We played with this all over Christmas and eventually my sister and I created this amazingly fantastical game that involved our bathroom, a murdered dolphin and a boating accident so bad that Baywatch Barbie lost her head and then became a medical marvel when my Dr Barbie performed a LIFE SAVING operation and stuck her head back on, but due to the trauma, she had no neck and then became a disabled Barbie. It was traumatic, but then one day Hawaii Ken fell in love with her at a dance and they were together forever.


When I opened this one Christmas morning, I thought Santa was perhaps stoned when he delivered my presents. I mean, aside from the fact that I was so young I didn’t know what being stoned was, but I thought something was generally amiss when I received a grey box, Tomb Raider and a football game. What the what, Santa? In hindsight, it turned out to be the best present I’ve ever received because instead of playing it, the true recipient of my gift – my dad – would play Tomb Raider for us all over Christmas and we’d gather around the living room, sometimes moving all of our furniture so the lot of us were sat as close to the television as possible and watch my dad and Lara Croft take on the world. My sister received a cd player that year along with an AQUA CD, so our Christmas was filled with the festive sounds of come on Barbie, let’s go party! And it was really awesome.

Foil Art:

The same year we received our Playstation and CD player, we also received lots of art and crafty type things. The best thing to receive in the world was foil art. I mean, I don’t think I was quite as excited about it as my sister was, because now, as a 24 year old, she still regularly bus foil art and gives me things she has made, that she’s really proud of and I have to display it on my fridge like she’s a toddler.


What were your favourite Christmas presents? I probably have so much more, but I got a bit forgetful writing it and my laptop battery is nearly dead so I’ve stopped. Sorry.

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